I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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