hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
