you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
