I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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