How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
