When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it's like iHOP with fire
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
