apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
