you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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