Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
