Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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