i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
