brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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