Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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