Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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