I'm really into asian looking animals
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
