Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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