I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
