two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
