I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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