watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
