Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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