So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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