wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize