She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
