Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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