it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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