How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
