she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
