We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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