just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
