I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
