I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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