Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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