i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
