did you get engaged???
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
