Your dad touched me again.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
