I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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