My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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