after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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