oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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