i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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