I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
