The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
