I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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