yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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