oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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