he wants to bone in the snuggie
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize