So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im six kinds of drunk right now
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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