My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
