blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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