So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
