taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
