Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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