Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
