I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
