Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
