I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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