OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
