I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just forgot I was standing up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
