Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
