My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
