Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
