so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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