So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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