The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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