I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
