HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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