Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
