well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
