I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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