Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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